today

i have this thing where i get scared to look at my computer. i am not sure why but it happens. i think it has to do with bad news. i just can't handle bad news and nothing good ever seems to come from the entities supposedly helping me...ie teacher union, unemployment, disability, workmans comp. hence why it has been so long since i have written or posted. i also dont think it truly matters...no body actually reads this anyway. i quit school my creative writing class, i stopped my application to csuci i simply have given up. trying to find a job seems impossible. how can i find a ajob when i am a teacher? that is what i do? people ask what is your dream job? duh....it was teaching hence all the work to accomplish the credential, the masters, the clad, etc., etc., sooooowhat do i do now? really?

we leave for a cuise on monday. it is my first real vacation but not with the whole family. i wish but it seems impossible with the kids. tim, kennedy and i are going. i need the break from the baaby. i can't wait!!!!!! i am a little nervous as i have this feeling it is alot like a casino, but hopefully not.