something i have learned...hmmm that means mastery doesn't it...am aware of and tyring to practice is the idea that to every evil there is a good. this might sound backwards, but trust me it isn't. i started down a very black and bleak road understandably i would hope...but couldn't seem to deviate from it. in fact i knew that it existed but matter of factly stated that i was ignoring it. i tried that dr laura thing...put your marriage and kids first...focus....but under it all was torture. it still is, but somewhere...at some point a bit of the black turned to grey. i am not saying its all good...things happen like your termination letter, your workmans comp provider saying your issues are your issues we aren't paying for anything, etc., and it sets me back. to a point where i barely function again and it takes all i have to get my children to school, fed diapered..screw a shower...who is going to see me anyway? but my point is this...i realize that with those negative things come positive things. with my baby being sick and not sleeping...hey i am home and don't have to create an emergency sub plan, my house is under construction my baby can't take naps from the banging...but i am going to have a normal looking house...long coming...and that makes my husband happy, who is in a full time job...his first what i call office job, a move because of the shooting, and doing super! i have to admit he is amazing. actually i knew he would be, he has been at his job and in the industry too long to suck...he is also too intelligent to truly fail...he just enjoys being lazy. so yes, i have to work at finding the good everyday, but it is something i find myself trying to do more often and wanting to stay focused there as long as possible.
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