a happy moment

my happy moments are far a few between. trust me i have a ton of people telling me constantly all that i have to be thankful for and when i am in the middle of one of my "episodes" as we call them...and they are frequent...though not like last fall...and though they can last days...i do in the middle stop to think of my family...they are beautiful, healthy, and loving...bottom line...good things happen everyday, i just am one of those people who really has to focus on the one or several that did...it is an actual action for me and i hope someday a reaction, an instinct...anyway today the housekeepers came. now i realize you are going to hear me bitching about money..no job...being on disability etc., and wondering...a housekeeper??? well hold on now...I have never ever had one...for years i worked, took care of the kids, mowed the lawn, paid the bills, did the car pool thing and still had the bacon frying in the pan...i felt complete guilt having someone do what i could..but funny enough i couldn't...i couldn't get on top of the cleaning and all i could see was depressing yucky unclean fog....but then this lady, maribelle and her crew of 3 came and in literally 3 hours...95 dollars later...i have that smell...like the one you love when you walk into your hotel room and know someone magically made your bed and cleaned your shower? it is here and i love it. housekeepers are gods gift to mothers...if a man wanted to truly do something kind for his wife..he would hire a housekeeper and not let her in on it...she would tell him no..etc, etc., but secretly when she came home and saw? she would smile and it wouldn't go away!!! it is just like me now!!!! so here is a bit of happiness, because trust me..the dark side is powerful around here and my silly light saber isn't working..silly metaphor but whatever...this is my journal!!!!!!